Love has always been a hard game to me. I do not just understand why I’m experiencing all this trauma. I know personally that I’m a very beautiful lady and as a matter of fact, I’ve heard a lot of compliments friends. Some of them would say, ‘how I wish I was as beautiful as you Liz’. Others would say, ‘Liz is just so lucky to be this pretty, if I were her, I would have had about five boyfriends and eight flings. These and many more were said about me. Some out of humour and some said seriously but things are not just as they should have been.
When I gained admission into Rhodes University-South Africa, I was determined to achieve two aims. The first was to make my parents proud by earning good grades, the other was to enjoy a good love life being free from the ever watching eagle’s eyes of my parents and siblings. I started off well in earning top marks, but the latter was nothing to write home about. I always felt jealous when my friends can’t hang out with me because they have dates with their boyfriends and I have nowhere to go to other than the library or just stay home alone to watch movies.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t have male admirers but I have just been so foolish in this relationship thing which makes me live in regret. A good instance was my relationship with a guy named Johnson. Johnson was a course mate of mine who is always very shy among ladies. I noticed he was trying to get close to me and then took him as a friend. However, he wanted us to be more than just friends but as he was too shy to come out plain, I could not understand his motives. Another course mate and friend of mine named Jessica soon started spreading false rumours about my relationship with Johnson. I totally denied it but nobody would believe me. It was then I realised that Johnson actually had feelings for me, I was quite ecstatic about it and decided to play hard to get like I do watch in movies. I kept this up for five months, even after he gathered up courage to tell me how he felt and I guess he finally gave up on dating me.
One evening, I and Jessica were in the library when she had a call. After answering it, she apologized to me for spreading rumours about my relationship with Johnson. She told me that he had asked her out and when she refused to date him, thinking that we had something together, he told her the truth that although he really wanted to date me I did not pay attention to him which hurt him. I was short of words and only nodded in agreement. She further told me that since I was not angry, I should accompany her to dinner with him as she was quite shy. I agreed to join her so she wouldn’t think that I was angry or jealous.
All through the dinner, Johnson felt uneasy seeing me. He called me later that night and apologize to me. He told me that he had really loved me but he couldn’t bear the one sided love anymore, which made him decide to move on. I also apologized and tried to make up with him but he made me realise that he was now happy with Jessica and can’t afford to betray her.
The greatest mistake have ever made was choosing Collins over Richard. Collins was a very popular student pop star whom I had a very huge crush on. I had always bought front row tickets to all his concert in a bid for him to notice me. Richard was quite popular in school, he had a fit masculine stature and was very popular amongst the females. Every girl wanted him to be her man but he paid no attention. He had no male friends and most of the guy thought of him as a cultist and kept away from him.
One evening, I and Evelyn (another friend of mine) were walking towards the cafeteria when Richard walked up to us. He told me how he had always admired me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I was scared and didn’t know what to say. I have always heard about scary relationships with cultist and wouldn’t want to be a victim. As if he could read my mind, he immediately told me that he wasn’t a cultist and was just misunderstood. Although I didn’t totally believe him, I still gathered up courage and quietly turned him down. Evelyn chided me for reacting that way and told me that I had just thrown away a life time opportunity to be with one of the big guys in school. I totally ignored her as she was known to be a ‘guy-freak’.
Collins eventually picked me out of the crowd on one concert night and danced with me on the stage. I felt on top of the world as it was like a dream come true. At the end of the show, we exchanged numbers and soon started seeing each other. I was so crazy about him that I did not hesitate when he asked for sex. After he had achieved this, he changed completely and stopped being caring as he was before. He wouldn’t call me or take me out like he used to. I wasn’t ready to give him up, as our affair had gained me so much popularity in school, so I kept forcing myself on him and bearing with his new hostile attitude.
Valentine’s period that year was one I would never forget in my life. All my roommates and friends wouldn’t stop talking about what they would get. Some were even pressuring me to tell them what Collins would get me. Collins never said anything about it until I asked him myself. He feigned ignorance of not knowing that it was valentine’s period already. I knew quite well that he was lying, as he had lots of proposals to perform at different valentines’ concert. I didn’t let that bother me and gave him the options to either buy me a teddy bear or compose a love song for me. He claimed that he was too busy and cannot waste his money on stuffed toys. I was quite hurt but in other to avoid the disgrace on valentines’ day, I decided to get a gift myself. I bought a very big and huggable teddy bear that any girl would have loved to have for herself. My roommates where all impressed and end up singing praises of Collins, as I have made them think he bought it for me. We agreed to take pictures with our gifts.
Valentine’s Day started well with love in the air. As agreed, we were all taking pictures with our bears as most of them had also got mini-bears from their boyfriends. Suddenly, Collins barged into my room and started hurling abusive words at me. He accused me of tarnishing his image by buying a stuffed bear in his name. He would have beaten me in his rage but for the intervention of my roommates who were all surprised at his outburst. As if that wasn’t enough, Collins went ahead to publicly disgrace me on social media by saying that I was a cheap slut whom he had easily had sexual intercourse with. I cried my eyes out and began to regret ever loving him. I began to hate him more than I had ever loved him.
I later heard that Collins had presented a valentine’s gift to someone else in school. The lady was a very popular model in school and was in the clique of the ‘big girls’ who wouldn’t be easily attracted to guys like him. She had heard about the bear he supposedly bought me and was angry that he had given her something inferior. She had angrily shouted at him and walked him out of her house. This was shameful to someone of Collins calibre which made him mad at me that day.
I put myself back together and tried to make things up with Richard. When I told him that I was not ready to date him, he told me bluntly that he had mistaken me for someone with integrity and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore has he was now into Evelyn. I angrily told him that Evelyn was no better as she keeps jumping from one man to another. When Evelyn heard about this she flared up and confronted me, she called me a ‘FOOL FOR LOVE’ who couldn’t even make right decisions in a relationship and that I should better leave Richard alone or else I would face her wrath.
Indeed I had been a fool for love but I got wiser and put more focus on my education, I settled things with Evelyn and hoped for a better love life in the future.